New Year, New Me?


Today last year my weight was at 90 kgs. I bounced between XL and XXL, my knees hurt and l couldn’t walk one block without getting winded. But that didn’t matter because l lived for red velvet cake and hot chips drenched in salt and vinegar. The thought of losing weight never really took root in my mind, I thought I was doing fine.

A friend’s lifestyle change was the wake up call l had been waiting for. She was the biggest she had ever been at 80+ kgs because of depression and emotional eating. She joined the gym and changed her eating habits so much so that by the time l saw her in February 2017 she had lost a chunk of weight. I had begun using food as an emotional crutch when my long time relationship ended abruptly. I had reached a point where l was disgusted with my body and l couldn’t bear to look at myself in the mirror. It was as if something had me paralysed and l needed to regain my freedom.

She invited me for a run after l also expressed my desire to rid myself of everything that was wrong with my body. On that first day l ran my first 400m since primary school and did 3 rounds of hill climbing. By the time l was done l felt like l was dying and wanted to throw up but l didn’t. I will always be grateful for her because she was the push l needed to ignite the soul that was yearning for change. That day a beast was unleashed with no way of caging it ever again. I bought my first pair of trainers and gym clothes, cleaned out my fridge and cupboards, that same day.

I kind of regret not taking more before pictures now. I took a before picture which when l look at it today l don’t recognize the person in it. I cropped my face out. I couldn’t bear to have a picture showing my face with the old body. It represented a life that I am both ashamed of and saddened by. But maybe I should have taken more because I get a rush every time I place the before photo next to the after photo.


I got on the scale today and it landed on 76 kgs. I still can’t believe l have made it this far. The steady decrease on the scale has become the motivation to keep going. I get giddy every time l look at my progress in the mirror and l catch my reflection in a store window. I have a lot of energy. I regained my love of shopping although I am now more inclined to buy workout clothes than anything else.

I am notorious for not finishing tasks. I am still surprised l stuck it out. Throughout last year my weight fluctuated so much. At one time l gained 3kgs even though I was sticking to healthy food and going to the gym religious. Many times l had days when all l wanted to do was stay in my pajamas, watch tv and eat pizza all day. I did just that a few times but my mind always went back to that before picture thus l never stayed in that state of mind long enough to offset my progress.


This year my focus is on a healthy lifestyle and not necessarily losing weight. My ultimate goal weight is 65 kgs and l hope to realize that goal this year. However I wanted to have a well-rounded lifestyle that means takes into account happiness and wellness, not just food and gym. I want to be happy and content with every facet of my life.

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